every apartment ever

June 8, 2010

Alright, some silly nonsense for you in this week’s comic. Don’t look at this one, mom, you’ll read too much into it or something…

Anyhow,  just wanted to say i’m glad last week’s comic went over well. It’s perpetually encouraging that there’s an audience out there for Walls of Text, to somewhat understate my feelings on the subject.

until next time,

WR

88 Responses to “every apartment ever”

  1. Rott635 Says:

    A big yes.

    You forgot, however, any neighbor you’ve ever once been nice to.

    They’ll corner you and talk your ears off and demand favors every chance they see you, which is at the very least twice a day, because suddenly you can’t escape them.

  2. Anthony Says:

    I’ve got a neighbor that is across the street and three houses down that uses one of those walkie-talkie phones to run a cab business out of his house. I think he plugs the thing into a stereo because it is incredibly loud. I also don’t understand how he is in business since he is rude to every person that calls him.
    *Chirp! “What?!”
    *Chirp! “Where?!”
    *Chirp! “I CAN’T HELP YOU IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHERE THE GOD DAM HELL YOU ARE.”

  3. wanderlust Says:

    I shared a 4-bed townhouse in college, and it turned out to be one of the most awesome, albeit zany experiences I’ll ever have. The bedrooms consisted of a windowless one-car garage poorly converted into a bedroom (the reclusive roommate loved “the lair”), a basement room with a dedicated bathroom (our resident cat-lady stayed there), one was I guess a normal bedroom occupied by the overworked engineering student, and I had the loft, which while fun had zero privacy unless you were far enough back from the ledge so that no line of sight could be made from the living room below. That of course didn’t stop people from shooting rubber bands and crap up there as they sat on the couch below.

    The neighbors were party people too, and more then once one of their minions would climb on the roof, make a lot of “THUMP THUMP” and have a smoke break on our roofline.

    God I miss college…

  4. Brian Says:

    I am in the process of renting an apartment for the first time, should I find it particularly ominous that my building manager is named Jim? He didn’t seem THAT mysterious… o_o

  5. Amir Says:

    Number 7 especially reminds me of my apartment. We have two fake balconies, one door to nowhere, and one fake fireplace.

  6. KraZe Says:

    Glad you can have a sense of humor about yourself and turn something that could be a point for trolls to annoy you with into something I got a chuckle out of. As far as apartments, seriously, what the hell is the problem with the fake fireplaces? Last one I was in had one that was on the inexplicable step, in this case a two by two foot stone square. It didn’t heat or anything, it just sat there being content that it destroyed any possible sane layout for the living room. Oh, and I always live next to failed musicians with loud boorish revelry. No choices on that one. EVERY TIME!

  7. Infanttyrone Says:

    Oh man, I have lived in those apartments. And I am in the process of trying to find a roommate– which, if you’ve never played Craigslist Roommate Roulette, is worth a horror-show comic strip itself. (Hey, Mr Rowntree, want to live in Chicago? Two misanthropes could make it work, yeah? Cheap rent and doors that lock… think it over…)

  8. DoubleW Says:

    I love these diagrams. My last roommate was a unique combination of 11 and everything under 12. And the lawn at my current place counts as 7. I’m pretty sure that the water I put on it just rolls downhill without being absorbed. The whole neighborhood has this crazy Dr. Seuss thing going on with it’s elevation changing from yard to yard.

    I’m so glad I got out of tiny apartments. Granted, I’m leasing a huge, energy-inefficient Mcmansion that’s kinda far from the heart of town, but it’s quiet and the energy bills and the dead lawn are really the only problems. I may even be lucky enough to convince the landlord to let me install solar panels in the back lawn to power some things in the summer (hey, not like the grass is going to grow back!).

  9. valy Says:

    now i feel bad for listening to loud music…and i have a dog who barks to everyone who knocks on my door :x…but i still can complain about my dears neighbors…the couple that lives to my right have their bedroom beside my livingroom, and of course they only make love when i’m trying to watch the only rare good programes that’s on…
    the ones in front of me only listen’ to loud music at the weekends,in the moorning…

    and to wrap things up, i have a neighbor on the backside of my building, that whenever he has a party going on (that seems constantly), he puts loud speakers outside his house playing awfull music all day long..

    but i guess we all have at least one bad neighbors…

    loved the graphical approach to this comic, like the “every cd ever made”, saw a few of this kind on “cracked” and they where really good…

  10. hellblade Says:

    winston, i love your insight. it’s like seeing my own thoughts only much more concisely laid out. yes, i realize the “???factor” in deeming subnormality “concise”, but it really is. to me.

    i’ve switched a few apartments in the last year, and i got quite a lot of things metioned here. i turn off the loud fridge every night. i don’t care if everything goes bad, i want to sleep, goddamit!
    also, hillarious water pressure, upstairs neghbors who seem to be driving tanks every morning and useless but pleasant landlords are here as well. the continuous noise is present in the form of what i think are seagulls (never saw them), souped up cars that still go very slowly, a phone that no one answers and random small scale explosions. i have no idea what that last one is about, because the area is 100% residential.

    although, the ceiling fan works, even as i write this. one of the expensive reflector lightbulbs doesn’t work and never has, but i dont care because i have a goddamn operational ceiling fan!!

  11. b.patrick Says:

    Aw no, I’m that Smiths fan! Brilliant as always. I’m hyper-aware of my neighbors and am constantly afraid of being obtrusive to the point that I only listen to music with headphones and usually have subtitles going on my TV. Still there’s the awful knowledge that they undoubtedly hate me for various offenses I’m not even aware of. By the way The Smiths are the best and it’s my mission to make everyone recognize it as fact.

  12. Neil Fein Says:

    Today’s comic made me laugh loudly several times. Thanks for continuing to create comics that require the following to enjoy: (1) The ability to think (2) Patience (3) The ability to follow numbered footnotes

  13. Steven Says:

    Interesting. I live in a duplex and my landlord called me just last night (he being the useless, faceless absentee), and the conversation went as follows.

    L: “Heeey man.”
    Me: “Hello.”
    L: “Umm, I was just wondering, does that guy still live next to you?”
    Me: “No, I don’t think so.”
    L: “Aw, damn. Alright, thanks.”

  14. Mia Says:

    Your “Every Apartment” comic is great. I just moved into my first apartment about a month ago, and I swear to God this place seemed so much better the first time we toured it. I think they release a small hermitage of roaches in the kitchen the day before we moved in, and also swapped all the switches. The first morning I woke up, two mysterious pink stains appeared on my carpet, and some of the electrical outlets randomly stopped working. My neighbors to the left have a Cadillac with spinners, and they love to sit in their parking spot at 11:00pm listening to, what sounds to me to be, THUMPTHUMPBOMMPATHUMP turned up. My neighbors to the left seem to be cool (quiet, clean, have bumper stickers that agree with my lifestyle) but I have yet to even see them.
    Needless to say, I appreciated your comic. :)

  15. Esn Says:

    There’s an audience for GOOD walls of text. :)

    Although I must say that I think I might enjoy this comic more if it were in print. (IS it in print?)

  16. MousE Says:

    …AUGH!

    It’s all TRUE.

    Well done.
    Well done indeed.

  17. bachterman Says:

    rent my apartment! it’s got sound insulation. only disadvantage is that it’s in hungary. har har.

  18. tcs Says:

    I fucking love the smiths, but like b.patrick, I usually listen with headphones. I can see how, if you didn’t like them, hearing the riff to ‘this charming man’ every day might drive you insane.

    By the way, the last couple of comics have been some of your best yet.

  19. William Says:

    Augh. There is a guy below me who hooks up his *acoustic* guitar to a very loud amplifier and then plays it and also practices his drums and sings when I am trying to sleep.

    And then he reported me for walking too loudly at night (even though I am respectful enough to actually tip-toe around instead of walk). WTF!?

    Apartments. Lol.

  20. GerryB Says:

    If this is ‘silly nonsense’ then I am in the Silly Nonsense fanclub. Or will be if The Smiths fanclub will let me join. Wonderful colourful hilarity Winston, lovely.

    I do doubt that men *actually* get paid ’130% more’ than women – my maths is terrible though so I may be wrong, as well as annoyingly pedantic.


  21. Man oh man, it’s as if you entered my brain (I hope you wore clean boots, you filthy swine).

    One thing I would add to all of this (having continuosly experienced 1, 9, 10 and 11 again and again for what seems like a century is actually not even one year) is the possible shared kitchen.

    Living in hall accomodation at university, I have to share the kitchen with four to five other people. I had a blissful period where all but two of my flatmates left due to variant cases of 1 and 10, and it was just three of us in what now appeared like a HUGE living space. That time has passed and two weeks before leaving, myself and my fellow two occupants (with whom I have become good friends) have been invaded by a mass of chinese language students (absolutely no racism intended, please nobody flame me, I’m just being descriptive). Most of our new flatmates are polite, considerate and quiet, but one of the new arrivals proceeded to put fried chicken (without a cover) on my shelf in the fridge two times in a row after I had kindly asked her not to do so, and used my tea-towel (the purpose of which is to dry dishes) to mop up some disgusting mess she had made on the floor.
    So yeah, I would add an extra factor, when considering shared kitchen situatuions: careless and potentially lobotomised flatmates.

    Excellent comic, as usual, Rowntree.

  22. Dawn Says:

    All very true, sir. An addition to #10 is the loud stompy neighbor above you with a litter of loud stompy children.

    Good times indeed.

  23. GerryB Says:

    “Majestic view of nothing” – truly the glass-half-made/smashed approach to estate agency – bravo!

  24. William Says:

    Yeah, that’s my apartment, more or less. (where does that smell come from?) But I think you forgot one thing: When you’re walking down the hallway and hear shouting from behind one of the doors. And you know you should really knock in case there’s actual domestic violence going on, since interrupting it will likely cause the participants to stop. But you can’t really tell if the man shouting is just a loud arguer or if there’s even another person in the room with him. So maybe you shouldn’t intervene? But then the woman sounds really sad, and oh God, I made a terrible mistake, didn’t I?

  25. Corinne Says:

    Oh my god yes, the smell. I rent a room in a flatshare (of whom i am the only 19-year-old in a flat filled with late-thirty-somethings) and the weird smell is only in MY room. If it was me, i wouldn’t even notice it, would i? I’m sure it must have been the last person who rented it, but still, i am now paranoid that i smell funny.
    But the place is better now that two of the guys have moved out and been replaced by new roommates. The former used to both play gangsta rap and hiphop while i was trying to sleep, and the pounding bass would drive me nuts. Also everything else about it. And they used to stay home and work out in the hallway all day so i could come home to the smell of overwhelming body odour.
    I always use headphones when listening to music because A)anyone who has never heard Nick Cave before might think i was a serial killer, and B)i am a polite doormat-type, which is why i never complained about the pounding bass.

    Another thing: there is no living room or dining room. The landlord was so cheap they converted the living room into another bedroom to get more rent. Which is why we all live in our own rooms like reclusives and never talk to each other despite living under the same roof. The whole place feels like a haven for pathetic lonely people who have given up on life. I’m too young for this shit.

  26. Streak Says:

    Ace, as usual! :)

  27. Ayn Rand's Queef Says:

    Opps, I think I might well have been the “passive-aggressive creepy shut in” at one point…though to be fair my other roomates fuckin’ sucked ass.

    And bravo on the Top 40 radio…you just about summed up my local radio stations.

    ADVERTS
    ADVERTS
    ADVERTS
    OMFG NEWS
    ADVERTS!!
    HAR HAR TEH FUNNI DJ
    ADVERTS!?
    SHIT MUSIC

  28. Ratazana Says:

    I feel really identificated with this one, number 7 is my favourite, but you forget neighbours having sex at 4.00 in the morning.

  29. Filipe Tomé Says:

    ooh, the cute self loathing at the end just made up for all the ranting about heving never lived in a decent building with nice people around…

  30. NoVan Says:

    Ha! Never thought I’d see Commander Spock flash someone.

  31. Raevyn Says:

    Ha. I too was the passive-aggressive neighbor to someone who liked 4 a.m. sex, usually after much stomping, door slamming, drunken giggling and to the melodious strains of ear-splitting Cyndi Lauper and Michael Jackson (in 2005, btw). A little Iron Maiden cranked through speakers set firmly against the bedroom wall at 7 a.m. fixed the problem. It felt reeeeally good too.

  32. Tutehn Says:

    Wow… Every apartment ever for sure. I finally got out of “The Neighborhood” but everything else applies.

    I’ve got the lucky music of Flow 93.5 Blasting from one of my neighbors at 10am on the dot, every saturday morning. THe only reason to wake up that early on saturday is for saturday morning cartoons… What are they, 10 years old?

    And your forgot a smoking man neighbor. I’ve always had a creepy chain smoking neighbor who leaves a giant buckets of smoke buts near one of the doors that never gets emptied, ever. Or a clear landing area of butts off the second floor balcony. My current place has a smoking man in the basement apt directly below me who has permanently made everything in my apartment reek of cigarettes to the point that I don’t even smell it anymore until visiting friends gag upon entry and ask me when I started smoking and why I don’t do it outside.

  33. Miles Says:

    Living in an apartment, our cat, we called her Pet the Destroyer, was terribly puzzled when the neighbors and owners of small dogs would freak out when she had these dogs in her jaws. Additionally, I always thought that it was the younger people who enjoyed loud and the adults with kids who enjoyed quiet… somehow I love silence (no TV no stereo etc…) but I can hear every God forsaken ‘reality’ tv show going on all around me at all times.
    In short, if you’re going to own a small furry rodent like dog, keep it near you, so our cat, a huntress, can’t catch and eat them, and turn your danged TV down! I can survive the summer better with no Air conditioning than you, and am cruel enough to know where and how to operate the power boxes for the units.

  34. Cal Says:

    Hahaha!! You just wrote and drew my entire adult life!

  35. Richter Says:

    Hilarious comic! Laughed outloud. Guess I’m lucky with the place I have. The only flaw is #5, baffling oddity. I got a bathroom without a sink. It’s in the kitchen.

    But hey, on the upside, I’m getting evicted next month! Woohoo! Me and my cat are getting kicked to the curb as the new owners decided to tear the appartements down to turn them into luxury lofts. Gotta love capitalism, eh?

    I really wonder what my new appartement will have from this list. Passive agressive shut-in? Nah, that’s me! :-)

    Wish me luck.

    /goes back to packing boxes.

  36. kat Says:

    seriously this is best thing ever. ever. period. i really mean it.

  37. mindwithteeth Says:

    I found this incredibly hillarious! It’s inpsired me to make a similar type of illustration, I absolutely love it and it’s so true.

  38. James G Says:

    We once had a landlady who blamed us for the bathroom mould, clearly ignoring the fact the extractor fan clearly had asthma. She insisted we should have the bathroom window open when showering. Despite the fact it was winter. Oh and a ground floor flat. Oh and the bathroom window opened directly on to a footpath.

    We kept trying to treat the mould with various anti-fungal chemicals, to little success. Just before we left she just ended up painting straight over the mould, and will clearly blame the next set of tenants when it invariably comes back.

  39. FranUnFine Says:

    Oh boy, this nearly makes me tear up. I have switched to my current appartment because my last neighbour was some student who thought it was incredibly funny to crank up his stereo so loud every evening that the glasses started dancing on my tables. It was always nice to come home from work.

    The upstairs neighbours I have now are better, although just by a small margin. I can’t believe that the best, friendliest and most quiet neighbour I’ve ever had was in fact a swinger club…

  40. YK Says:

    Amazing as usual.

    If I may proffer a humble suggestion, it seems to me that you’ve been repeating yourself in form. The current comic is great, but not essentially different than the one about the bus. Likewise the hell job, the Wall of Text, etc. It’s just been a while since I’ve seen you push for something new, and you’re too good an artist not to.

    “Weird” is my favorite comic of yours, and certainly near the top of all the comix I’ve seen online. Y’know, right after most of XKCD.

    (I would totes purchase a poster, bee-tee-bee)

  41. Human Unit #2345757 Says:

    I know you meant “hammer time” as in actual hammers- but it made me laugh because I had an apartment for six months where every single night the people downstairs would just BLAST that one MC Hammer track, over and over again. And it was never predictable, sometimes they’d have started and stopped before midnight and other times they wouldn’t start until dawn. So I never knew when I’d get a full night of sleep or when I’d be up all night praying for some temporal anomaly to render all of hip-hop nonexistent. No Anglophone can hope to get the police on their side in Montreal; I was up the creek on that one. And every month, the landlord regaled me with fresh complaints about my “unfriendliness”. So – you really hit close to home on this one. Excellent work as always!

  42. James G Says:

    Great, after posting my earlier comment, I catch this on twitter:
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2010/jun/10/landlord-regulation-proposals-scrapped?CMP=twt_iph

    “Landlords and letting agents will not be subject to greater regulation because this would introduce too much additional red tape, the government said today.”

    Yes, because the controls are really in place to benefit the landlords. Tempted just to mail a printout of this comic to my MP.

  43. Tasha Says:

    I love your “every apartment ever”. But the “too many crickets”? You’re right. But one is always INSIDE, sings at 3000 decibels, and you can’t find it when the lights are on or off. (It only takes one.)

  44. snap1066 Says:

    I lived in this place. It’s in Texarkana. When I’d turn the light on in the kitchen in the morning, it sounded like a stampede when all the roaches ran for cover.

  45. snap1066 Says:

    Second thought, add upstairs neighbors who you can hear sawing in the middle of the night, but you never see them carrying wood….

  46. pankratius Says:

    A Super Furry Animals reference? Nice. Also, I’ve got the song stuck in my head now.
    /showing off with the knowledge of obscure band songs off/

  47. GerryB Says:

    @YK – I’d not read XKCD before your reference. What a beautiful comic, thank you for the link.

    Am ranking it right up there with ‘who needs favourites when you can have both?’.

  48. Fent Says:

    Damn Outsidies.

  49. killerrobut Says:

    Say, is the fridge referencing a Groovie Ghoulies song or am I just finding song lyrics in a common phrase?
    Oh well:
    Chupa-Chupa Chupacabra, Chupa-Chupa Chupacabra.

  50. Skyers Says:

    There is so much genius packed into this illustration it’s overwhelming. This is one of the greatest comics I’ve ever seen.

  51. Gordo Says:

    This is my first year living away from home, and this comic is so goddamn accurate its depressing. Although, my entire neighbourhood is scummy.
    Still, the freedom of being away is better than the comfort of living with my parents. :D

  52. Jac Says:

    THIS IS PERFECT… I’m sitting in my room with my headphones on trying to block out the sounds of my nieghbours and surpressing the overwhelming urge to smother my landlord in her sleep… just thinking about how utterly horrible my last 4 apartments have been and dreaming of the new place in 2 weeks, hoping for something better, and i stumble on this… describes it perfectly..

  53. Lynn Says:

    The only difference between this comic and every apartment I’ve lived in is the upstairs neighbor. Instead of walking loudly, they have loud sex, making the ceiling bounce. I’ve been terrified of them falling through and landing on me because they are always right overhead.

  54. benS. Says:

    Alienation Alert !

    Although OUR estate, sort of a green, lean, almost Royal Islet, surrounded by QUIET, almost invisible red-house neighbors, might need some paint and one or two carpenters and stuff, we, the happy owners, would never talk it downhills.

    benS et al

    P.s.
    Can anyone else see hunting killer whales and flying ducks among the notes up to the left?

  55. AlanSmithee Says:

    This is the exact reason why I live in a culvert under a bridge. True story.

  56. jesse Says:

    The smiths are better than this comic

  57. Area Man Says:

    *clasps your hand* Oh man, i feel you on number 11, do those people seriously have nothing better to do?

  58. Melissa Says:

    just wanted to let you know that I’ve been following your comic for nearly a year, and this is one of my favorites :)

  59. rougy Says:

    True. Sadly, tragically true.

  60. Vicki Says:

    Was that cathartic to draw? ‘Cause it was cathartic to read.

    I have moved to an isolated country(ish) estate(ish) and am cherishing every moment of my peace and quiet.

  61. AndieR Says:

    Hilarious yet so true :) Thank you.


  62. killerrobut: Naw, it was actually a reference to Welsh heroes Super Furry Animals (who are awesome).

    Gordo: Yeah, as much as i like my family, the diagram of living in your parents’ house past your welcome would be 12 times more depressing than this comic. Despite the assorted horrors, getting your own place is way better than you think it’ll be, for anyone who’s maybe wondering.

    AlanSmithee: Your culvert intrigues me, and i wish to subscribe to your newsletter… Seriously though, do you really live in a culvert?

    jesse: Your comment has delighted me, though i know not why. I guess i just like the idea of the smiths as a standard unit of quality. This pizza is as good as the smiths. This haircut is leagues beyond the smiths. David Mamet is not quite as good as the smiths. The hawker hurricane mk. II was a decent all-round aircraft… but it can’t hold a candle to the smiths. Your comment is better than the smiths!!!

    Area Man: I know, it’s infuriating! I clasp your hand in return…

    Melissa: Cheers!

    Vicki: Indeed it was! And i’m glad if it helped you out as well.

  63. Andy Says:

    OK fess up when did you break into my apartment?

    There is no way on this earth you could possibly be that accurate without having spent a night here

  64. lesbiane Says:

    even your upstair neighbor will get pissed lol

    rajneeti

  65. Cody Says:

    This is brilliant.. the upstairs neighbor is perfect, but then the other things too.

    Majestic view of nothing? there is a hill immediately behind my place. At least its green, I guess.

    Fridge that makes odd noises (this is the one that really got me laughing)? I get something new every night.. A

    Odd smell in the place? Yup. Its completely unlike anything else I’ve ever smelt on earth and while its not wholly unpleasant I wish I could figure out where its coming from. Or even just what it was, exactly.

    I’m part of that neighborhood.. its your average suburbia type thing with big detached houses, and then suddenly there is my building which is right by the only nightclub in the entire town. This place would have made a better office building.

    But at least I don’t have loud neighbors.. I feel guilty, because the odds are good that I am the loud neighbor.

  66. shawn Says:

    I live next to a man in his 70s who is constantly mopping the entrance to his apartment when I leave for work in the AM. Then he takes one of those old aluminum & plastic cross-hatch mesh lawn chairs into the apartment hallway and “lays out” next to the windows near the elevator. Awesome.

  67. gankme Says:

    100% Pure farking genius!

    Needs to be a on a shirt. Seriously.

  68. podeki Says:

    Actually, I moved out of my mother’s place recently to live on my own in a big city, and now I have an apartment downtown of downtown. I haven’t heard anything from my neighbors. The building is old but well kept-up so it’s clean and has beautiful architecture, high ceilings, solid floors (I’ve fallen and tripped and normally you can kind of hear what kind of noise you’re making, but I can’t.) and the only time I heard anything from my neighbors was the one time at something like 2 in the afternoon where my boyfriend and I were playing around and one thing lead to another before we were laughing our asses off and screaming “RAPE!”. My neighbor knocked and asked us to keep it down and we did.

    There’s a bunch of AC units outside and it’s loud, but I’m extremely able to tune that sort of thing out, and you can really only notice it when the window is open. I don’t really think of it ever until you mentioned something about AC units.

    Management is amazing. Kind of like the strict but playful aunt you always wanted but never had.

    Oh, and it’s low-income housing, so all of this, downtown, $540 a month. I can’t stress how downtown I am–in Portland we have this thing called Fareless Square where you don’t have to pay to ride the streetcar and lightrail (used to include Bus, too.) around the most central part of the city. I live in it.

    I think it helps that when I moved out and started looking for apartments, I was expecting, more or less, the whole comic scenario. So now I’m ridiculously happy with what I have.

  69. Clint Says:

    My suggestion would be to just stop living in shitty apts. My apt is fine. I live in a nice building that is fairly quiet and has a decent view. Obviously, its not the cheapest apt ever, but you get what you pay for. So if you want to avoid all those problems, just live in a nicer (more expensive) place.

  70. Richter Says:

    Clint… people are dealt bad hands sometimes. You can’t just “stop” life. Shit happens. Sometimes you can’t help but having noise outside, a crappy roommate or neighbours having loud sex in the middle of the night while it’s been three years since you’ve felt the touch of a woman.

    Curse you Dwarfism Bob!!

  71. Walls Of Text lover Says:

    “It’s perpetually encouraging that there’s an audience out there for Walls of Text, to somewhat understate my feelings on the subject.”

    The Walls of Text are what make your comic so god damn endearing.

  72. JJ Says:

    my building contractor thought it was a good idea to put the bedroom closet in the dining room and the outside door in the bedroom. God bless this man!

    but rent is cheap, and in a good location, so…(Yes we are the only apt building on a nice townhouse street)i guess we are the sore spot on theit street!!

  73. LightHorseman Says:

    Yep. I feel your pain.

  74. LightHorseman Says:

    PS. I’m recently rented a place thats in a nice area, has nice amenity, functional fittings, adequate cupboard space, and is laid out in a functional, practical way.

    Unfortunately, my partner and daughter are living there fulltime while I only get to visit every second weekend due to work, and so while I hold the lease on the only remotely livable rental property on the planet, I’m living in a caravan thats older than me that squeeks when you move and has a 34 degree slope to the floor.

  75. Quakeroats Says:

    Far too true.

  76. Melissa Says:

    Haha this is right on the mark. I thought it was just me and my bad luck with my first flat.

    I shared with three guys. One had a thing for snuff films which I could constantly hear from his room throughout the night, another a socially/emotionally stunted posh guy who expected me to clean the flat and cook because I was a woman and an insecure depressive who took far too many drugs.

    Add the fact that my room overlooked onto some odd old mans house and the obese man dancing upstairs during the morning made my entire room shake. And all the guys crazy friends. It was the worst year of my life.

    Thank god I moved out.

  77. Sean Says:

    At first I thought I’d like these comics, but you shove your pseudo-liberal/intellectual opinions down my throat as if you have every right to. And the wall of text!! God, you’re worse than Tim Buckley!!!

  78. Pedro Says:

    I love this. this is my current (nonetheless highly despised) life in an apartment; everything checks off, i swear to Tesla. Yet to share with others the hilarious experiences of having your neighbor (involved in an affair with a homeless drunk) freak out that the apartment complex is going to blow up (like in a Bruce Willis movie) and run outside yelling such statement because a trash dumpster across the street happened to catch on fire on a night of July the 4th with inconspicuous kids down at the parking level with their hands behind their back looking strangely at the blazes, then find that, whoa, the only fire extinguisher in the whole place has disappeared. and being the second time the dumpsters’ on fire, first time around not being July 4th around midnight to start seeing funny colors on your bedroom wall through the window, oh wait…
    (got sort of lively there. Now I feel comfort in knowing I’m not the only one with the thought of snapping those drumsticks of my neighbors’ and throwing them over the roof of the next door coin laundry in the back of my head…):D

  79. C J Glass Says:

    Absolutely true, brilliantly done my friend!!

  80. qq Says:

    Ear plugs and white noise changed my life.
    I now sleep as if I’m on an “isolated country estate”.

  81. Laurie Says:

    You’ve got a camera aimed at my apartment, right? Actually, I’ve moved several times over the years to escape exactly what you depicted. And still my refrigerator is down the hall from the kitchen, and I get to smell my next-door neighbors slow-cooking meat all night long (I’m a vegetarian). And, the neighbors across the street have been renovating since I moved in – contractors yelling above the din of tile saws at 7:00 a.m.

    It helps to know I’m not alone!!

  82. White Hawk Says:

    Easiest solution I’ve found- be horrible to your neighbours, stomp rather than walk around your apartment, play loud music at all hours, and wear nose/ear plugs. If you’re the worst neighbour of them all, you can have no worse neighbours! Simple.


  83. wow. just fantastic. spot-on.

  84. Neublek Says:

    I had no idea i was bothering my neighbors so much. O_O

  85. BigSoph Says:

    Let’s see, restricting comments only to current apartment
    Leak in laundry room lasting two months (over an inch deep in corner)
    Power plug for washer and dryer on floor less than six inches from aforementioned flood
    Vent hose for dryer falls off constantly, filling laundry room with statically charged dust (did I mention boilers are in there?)
    Washer breaks down, let manager know one day later, have to send nasty letter one month later
    Manager’s sink leaks into mine
    Permanent cat piss stains after two professional cleanings
    Entire back step blocked (hope no fires!)
    Took over a year to install smoke detector
    Paint peeling like mad
    Radiators click and thunk all night
    Weird lumps under carpets
    Manager likes music that last for hours and sounds like WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP – seriously, no lower notes at all
    Manager has buzzing phone that goes for 30-60 minutes (bzzzzz, bzzzzz, bzzzzz…)
    Manager is middle aged gay man who picks up younger men who, at 1 am, run into his living room screaming “OH MY GOD! I LOVE Katy Perry/Justin Bieber/Whatever!”
    Manager uses stairwells for personal storage
    Manager smokes weed then uses horrifically overpowering strawberry incense to cover it (I wanna call the cops on that one… not the weed, the incense)
    Downstairs neighbour dumps his work garbage in recycling/garbage, resulting in it overflowing and providing the Feats of St Swithin’s for the local raccoon population
    Neighbours’ back screen door is loose although it only slams repeatedly in high winds
    Other neighbour has a 1997 Honda with rust on it but a $1500 stereo. Which he protects with his car alarm. BEEP BEEP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP ERNH ERNH!

    And you know every one of these people are the first one to complain about how others are rude!

  86. not-dumb Says:

    being DEAF cuts down considerably on the noise problems :)

  87. Catprog Says:

    I think a sink and toilet in separate rooms is a good thing. They can be used separately


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